week 6: nearly there

The exhausted, worn-out feeling that comes with overloading has overwhelmed me. Week 6 marks the start of all my weekly, practically back to back deadlines and the time has come for me to start muddling through the unknown. This semester I took modules out of my comfort zone and they have – somehow – pushed me to achieve more than staying in my comfort zone has.

It’s comforting to know that regardless, God is standing by me and guiding me through it.

I can do all these through Him who gives me strength.
–  Philippians 4:13

There were so many times in the past 6 weeks that I felt throughly defeated by the amount of work that I had to do. Yet, I came to realise a pattern: on days where the first thing I did – before starting on ANY piece of work – was to spend some time with God, the more productive I became. Sometimes I spent it by reading the Bible, sometimes just having a small conversation with Him. Even on days where I am dead on my feet and all I do is hastily mumble a few sentences before knocking out on 179 and falling asleep till I reach WKW, my productivity increases. I become less distracted and ideas come to me faster. Coincidence? I think not.

I liken it to spending time with a friend – the more time you spend cultivating a friendship, the closer the two of you become. The closer the two of you become, the more likely he or she is to gift you with small blessings like treating you to a cup of milo or running an errand for you.

& my life is filled with small blessings like these from God! Be it in the people around me or even strangers on the street, I keep seeing little examples of God’s hands and how he is always present and here for me. A stranger came to my house door to return my wallet. My dad offerred to run errands for me when he could just stay at home comfortably. My Uber driver yesterday turned out to be parked right below my house when I was late to meet my friends – I didn’t have to wait for him to arrive or get lost on the way to my place.

Reading the Bible this year is also the hardest thing I have ever done. A lot of discipline is required to sit down and spend time reading about 5 chapters daily but I have come to learn a lot about God’s nature as well. The differences in OT and NT are incredibly big but at the same time as I read I understand God’s motivations for doing certain things, and I understand his ‘expectations’ for me better. Slowly getting to know God better has also changed my worldview on certain matters for the… better? I hope. Also made me more certain re decisions that I have to make haha but I’m confident that with God, everything is possible! OK btw this isn’t blind optimism this is faith :’-)

This might not be the most spiritually accurate post but it’s a good reflection of what I feel huehue.

Zan x

 

 

27th January 2017

Typing this at work because it’s a slow day. Most people probably didn’t even bother coming to school / had the day off. Sadly my tutorial today is French & my tutor does not celebrate CNY. 

We had louhei earlier and it was very awkward because 1) we were students mixed with the full time staff & 2) I was still wearing my retainers because I didn’t have time to remove them before they called us in. Ate two mouthfuls very slowly because they kept urging us to eat and I didn’t want to eat with retainers on. 

As I grow older CNY starts to lose its significance. I mean, I still talk to my cousins but I guess I’m not as excited compared to when I was a kid. I used to be terrified of 拜年-ing to my grandparents because I didn’t know what to say to them but now that I’m older I know better. But they aren’t around anymore so it’s a moot point haha. 

** Random insert here handsome guy whom I know just walked in hahah 🌚. Been meeting people at work lately yesterday was Ze Qiang 😂

There’s a lot of schoolwork to be submitted after CNY so sadly some hustling will still be required. Really hope to finish everything by Sunday so I can enjoy on Monday!

Zan x

Life has been a mixed bag of late.

Was going to blog but I suddenly feel incredibly overwhelmed by upcoming deadlines. It’s only Week 2 and I am already slightly behind :-/ Too late to regret my module choices though now that add-drop period is over HAHA. Hopefully this (very busy) semester will help me learn to manage my time better.

Zan x

9th Jan – 13th Jan

LMAO I am too lazy to think of titles but here’s y2s2w1 in review.

9th Jan
Had my first 4AU class and it seems a little sketchy tbh. The lecturer is very passionate but I am worried that I might have to group with slackers (previously mentioned) so… OK but then again I like complaining about shitty group mates then doing everything by myself b/c I’m damn perfectionist but still it would be nice to have people pull their weight. Will see how it goes after I attend the tutorial next Tuesday haha.

Headed off to mind cafe to play some board games with Jett Ning and Zuyang (Ning’s brother) which was fun! Played Ticket to Ride, Sushi Go (I love this game btw it’s super cute and brainless) and Portrayal! I really enjoyed myself and it’s nice how we never run out of things to do together because we have so many interests in common. :’-)

10th Jan
Just one lecture today and it was Hedwig and I didn’t read the newspapers so I was really nervous. It was incredibly nerve-wracking and I wanted to die but thank goodness I managed to answer one question correctly!!! Made a mental note to start reading the newspapers at least from Sunday till Tuesday haha I will definitely have to stick to this so I don’t drown in tutorial.

11th Jan
My 2nd 4AU mod! I love it already despite the heavy workload. My professor is so bubbly and enthusiastic and experienced and I am excited to learn!! Not even kidding haha. Am considering PR for my internship but well let me think about what I want to do for FYP first – the end of this semester is my deadline to myself so I can take the appropriate modules for next semester!

Caught The Great Wall afterwards with Denz and goodness it was terrifying haha. Really good movie but terrifying why must everyone die?? Really sad haha but I liked the plot it wasn’t cliche – except the part where the whole of China needed one American to save them lmao plS.

12th Jan
Started work at One Stop! It’s quite chill and everyone has been really nice to me so far which I appreciate :~) It’s also the only reason why I go to school on Thursdays LOL out to earn money #superficialbitch I like how the other Student Assistants are also out to chill and kill some time before classes so it’s not like everyone is xiao onz or anything.

13th Jan
Had work in the morning again! It took me an hour to get to school by KJE like what is happening here it usually takes me 20 minutes at most? Goodness. I’m not taking this ever again I’d much rather take public transport and be on time for school haha. Got my period afterwards though so I skipped creative writing and went home to die :’-) Felt better after drinking ginger tea and rolling around on my bed. Then my tutee couldn’t make it so she texted me to cancel and I was like amen thank God LOL. I wanted to cancel but I lost her number after changing my phone so I couldn’t but she started it :>

Today is the day Ilyda is flying off for 5 months – farewell friend. You will be missed!

Zan x

the future

You might be expecting a serious piece on what the future has in store blah blah but I am not that kind of person so here is a list of things that I am worried about in the near and far future!!!!

  • will I be able to cope with my school workload + tuition + part time job? realised the workload really quite no joke – very stoked to push myself but at the same time worried that not only will I fall short of the professor’s standards but also my own.
  • what am I going to do for fyp? I’m definitely going for either campaign or feature writing but am still unsure!! Pretty much set my heart on doing a pr internship though (but with my track record I probably won’t get it de zzz I never get anything I want when it comes to applying for things sob) (but OK I have faith that I will still grow wherever God places me like the other modules I have this semester hee)
  • groupmates for fyp 😪 self-explanatory I believe.
  • ok my JOB. Very important ya my 饭碗 – how am I going to repay student loans, save up for all the adulting expenses et cetera.
  • speaking of savings mine are dangerously low and 2017 is the year I turn it all around!!! Set a savings goal and a budget sheet for every month and hopefully I will achieve that target.

Sigh. Typing this out has made me feel better though. It’s only day two of sem two haha goodness.

Zan x

sem two day one

Happy face post-4029! Am still on the fence about this module because it seems incredibly intense 😯 It’s like Creative Strategies but with twice the workload and I’m not sure that is even achievable haha. Yet it’s really handson and practical which I love so… There’s tons of exchange students as well and I don’t really want to group with them because I’m afraid they won’t pull their weight when it comes to group work and I hate slackers!!!!

Zuyang forgot to focus before taking the picture HAHA. Went to mind cafe after school to meet them for some board game fun!! Do not regret, absolutely love. Can’t wait to meet them again tomorrow though that’s for sending zuning off – farewell friend!!! We’ll meet again real soon.

Hedwig lecture tomorrow and actually I’m quite excited leh haha. Doing a LOT of writing mods this semester – copywriting, newswriting, pr writing, creative writing. My writing skills aren’t exactly up to scratch it’s all interest 😭😭 Especiall creative writing….. quite worried I won’t be able to get a B+ haha.

Zan x

NYC xkm

I am truly thankful for my spiritual family that is NYC 1 ☺ Haven’t had a spiritual chitchat session as a group in ages because I didn’t go for LG much last year, and this NYC camp really helped a lot in terms of fellowship & even getting to know my lifegroup members better. Am just feeling warm & fuzzy right now because over these two days I’ve talked to them so much more and gotten to know them so much better!! Bryan kept talking to me whenever we were on public transport or waiting around and yesterday I was looking at photos from Ekklesia camp earlier this year (also the first time I met Bryan) where I was thinking ‘omg he’s such a spiritual giant I don’t match up to him at all???? It’s so awkward talking to him because he’s so solid and knowledgeable’. But to know he really sees me as his little sister and looks out for me and feel happy for me is really heartwarming!!! Also spoke with Mabel & caught up with her on her life and it feels so good to be able to share life with someone who isn’t Christalle LOL we really stick to each other ALOT to the point where we’re so comfortable we don’t want to leave our comfort zone.

Truly truly blessed to have them running this race with me & by sharing our non negotiables for 2017 earlier we’re going to be accountable to each other! Also going to text Paige weekly because I know that if I have to answer to someone I will tend to handle the situation with more caution and actually stick to my word LOL.

Incredibly excited to go through 2017 with them!!!!! Thank You God 💕

Zan x

2016/2017

Sometimes I can’t believe that this place still exists after 5 years – I thought it would have died by now.

  • verse for 2017 – Ephesians 4:2
  • finish reading the Bible
  • save 150$/month

These are the only 3 resolutions I feel comfortable sharing here (it IS my blog but it is also public. I am wary after the countless cyberbullying I have experienced in the past 5 years). 2016 has honestly been a season of change/rest and

I’m just glad it’s 2017. I’m more than ready. Ready to leave the old behind and start afresh! New experiences, new ways to grow closer to God and more knowledgeable in His Word.

Zan x

exchange is here

Feeling oddly sentimental today because ig has begun to flood with posts from those going on exchange – a bulk of my friends are doing so as well and it is sad knowing I’m not going to see them for 6 months or so.

I think the people I’ll miss the most are Ilyda and Alvin – though then again they are also my only ~closer~ friends going on exchange so that’s a given haha. I’m happy to have made so many new friends in wkw this year though after being upset for one semester about not knowing my batch mates well enough, if at all. I no longer am scared of studying at the benches and I consider that a personal breakthrough. Back in Y1S1 I genuinely hated the benches and would only go there if I had no choice because of project discussions – would often study at S4 just to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of not ~knowing anyone ~. Honestly even though it’s just my acquaintance circle that has widened the most, I feel strangely better now. Sadly most of these acquaintances are also flying next semester la LOL the school will be noticeably emptier hais. I will really miss shengyi though he is such a comfortable person to be around + also very very wise and knowledgeable :’-)

à bientôt!!!

Zan x