My palms pressed against yours, fingers intertwined, taking on the world together. Your presence reminds me thatย we are unstoppable – you bring out the best in me and remind me that I can do better at my worst.

Who knows what lies ahead but I’m ready to conquer it with you.

(feeling oddly emotionalย tonight)

Zan x

Discontent

Today I realised that everything I’m unhappy with in my life can be changed – tbh that’s the case for most people haha. 

  • My weight/diet/looks
  • Strength (especially when it comes to ballet)
  • How much savings I have
  • My grades (feels like I’m not giving my best? There’s this nagging “You’re better than this – time to show it with your work” voice in the back of my mind. Not to be mixed up with “You’re not good enough”.)
  • Not volunteering enough 

So this summer will be a season of change and growth. Right now I’m lacking discipline!!! A lot of it HAHA I don’t expect my lifestyle to change 180ยฐ in the span of 3 months (what a nice thought though) but I’ll start small. 

Short term summer goals: To hit the gym/exercise once a week (ok it’s damn paltry but right now it’s 0 so DON’T BE A HATER) and to eat fast food only once every two weeks. Hope the places I’ve applied to volunteer at get back to me soon as well!!

From this you can tell how unhealthy I usually am LOL oops #exposed 

Honestly I’m quite unhappy with some aspects of my life even if I don’t ~admit~ or complain to others but I’m still a whiny bitch deep inside my heart ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€ Also because I tend to not let myself throw pity parties BECAUSE NOBODY ENTERTAINS ME ZZ. But this post is me taking matters into my own hands also grabbing life by the balls (sadly not grabbing to school can grab sponsor me some credits I will be an ambassador)!!!! 

I’m a mess but baaaaaby steps and I will be less of a mess.

Zan x

Winter

xmas-at-kellies

I enjoy reading the words of others – to get a better idea of who they are beyond the multitude of photographs that seem to have taken social media by storm.ย 

Things I wanted to do in December:

  • Revise French in preparation for French 2 next semester
  • Get fit
  • Redecorate my workspace at home
  • Develop photographs & hang them on the wall
  • Catch up with friends I didn’t have the chance to meet during the semester
  • Start writing again

I have not actually completed anything above but somehow this winter holidays felt strangely fulfilling nonetheless. Gotta keep myself in check though, and make sure I’m doing the right things.

Making a planner for Christalle for her birthday & I found a really useful “Bible in 52 Weeks” plan & I will probably use it for 2017!! God knows I haven’t been faithful RE Bible reading at all hahahhahah.

Two more days to Christmas & nine more to the new year. I’m pretty excited to see what 2017 has in store :-)

Zan x

Watched a group of kids play catching today. They had a bunch of rules which I didn’t understand but I guess the game is evolving. My tutee taught me a new version of chopsticks and zha as well LOL.

Ah, to be young again.

Also got back our grades for creative strategies once more! Some weeks were a surprise and some were expected haha. There’s still 2 more weeks + a final paper though I could actually do decently for this module if we keep up whatever we’ve been doing :’) it’s so much more fulfilling than IMC la UGH will probably not be SU-ing IMC even though I don’t think I can even get a B- for it anymore :'( Oh well it was a learning process and the knowledge will (hopefully) still be relevant in future. Most likely taking Hedwig next semester too… fingers crossed haha. Gotta figure out my shit by next sem and decide on my track before Y3 hais quite stressful :-( But I love the freedom of exploration we’re given like we don’t even have core mods after Y1 #luvvit !! Probably going to take a couple of ad/pr mods + hedwig + french l2 next semester lmao do I even have enough AUs to complete it all I still want to clear 2 GERPEs too pls help I have too little AUs available if the school doesn’t let us overload :<

Zan x

Some life updates

  • My french tutor dropped a bomb on us – for my oral component I have to do a 3 minute presentation instead of holding a conversation with a friend like what I envisioned previously
  • IMC went pretty okay presentation-wise but the midterm was a complete tragedy. Hoping the final report can save our grade though *fingers crossed*
  • Had blaw midterm earlier today and some questions tripped me up but other than that I should be fine! Next deadline would be the group presentation and we’re presenting on Intellectual Property (IP) and we’ve covered some content before in Media Law so thank God for abit less work to be done
  • I received my traveller’s journal that I carted out ages ago! Opted for sea shipping because I’m a cheapo so it’s finally arriving after a month… haha. I’m so pleased with it though :-) It’s going to be my planner for 2017 and hopefully the rest of Uni! Might do up a video on it soon. I really love how it’s refillable la super attractive because I always spend on planners so to have a timeless one would be really great!
  • Collected my bursary money and I feel so rich it’s an additional 1K whew!!! Ofc it’s going to be saved la haha won’t be spending needlessly!!! But it feels great knowing that amout is sitting in my bank account and it’s part of my repayment for student loans :~)
  • Mastered-ish Variation 2 for ballet & I’m fairly sure I want to do it for exams! The musicality and the choreography is beaut!!!!! Plus there isn’t a lot of turns (thankfullllllll I still can’t execute a perfect pirouette en pointe 100% of the time yet) so less strain on my toes – ensuring I’m still able to do Reverence) Genuinely love ballet and I don’t want to ever stop dancing – trying to save up money for extra classes during the December holidays I doubt I’ll get a job and I won’t have steady income because tutition always gets reduced during holidays SO.
  • Committed my shopping habit into the Lord’s hands awhile back and I walked away from a huge sale this afternoon pls save my soul I was so tempted t-t
  • Milestones!! Here’s to many more as well :’)

OK that’s about it my life hasn’t been very interesting lately but Week 10 is over and I’m thankful – just 3 more weeks of the semester to go. Time really flies though I remember FOC like it was just yesterday.

Zan x

 

Some people are more worth it than others – this is something I’ve come to realise is sadly true.

We’re coming to the end of the semester, hang in there! (Also just realised my french test isn’t over and neither is my blaw presentation why did I happily think I was free till finals ah)

Zan x

Sometimes the devil lets people live a life free of troubles because he doesn’t want them turning to God. Your sin is like a jail cell, where the door is wide open but it’s so comfortable you don’t want to leave.


ย Just finished God’s not Dead!! It’s really good and I cried for > 80% of the movie lol save me but yup 10/10 would recommend everyone to watch it’s not a super ‘force-scripture-down-your-throat’ movie but it’s subtle and I love it. It’s quite intense emotionally omg my heart nearly stopped at so many parts t_t I was a sobbing mess at the end la might be PMS might be the movie.

Going to watch Part 2 the next time I’m free hee. In the meantime let me go to bed I have tuition tomorrow hahaha

Zan x

I wish to do something more, to craft beautiful things from my own two hands. My heart is discontent – my life too stagnant, too uneventful. I want to give back to society, to make my mark on this world.

I want to be signifiant somehow.


Really conflicted about what I should specialise in right now because after a long and hard thinking process I’ve realised that I really do love writing more than coming up with campaigns and designing collaterals – yet at the same time I abhore hard news and writing with the goal of informing. I love entertainment news but I’m not able to pursue that in school. On the bright side, I have 2 more years to decide what I want but on the not-as-bright side I may never figure this out.

// to be honest I just want to publish a book and start my own magazine //

After a year’s worth of protest I might have to take hedwig after all. I really need to plan my PEs better if I want to fulfil both feature writing and campaign pre-reqs.

Zan x

It is depressing how money causes so many problems. I don’t want to look at my bank account till 2.5 weeks later haha. Actually have quite a lot of thoughts about this (along with some other stuff that just happened) but I’m not sure if I should be blurting my thoughts out all over the place so let’s leave it at that.

Put myself on a shopping ban till the end of the year though am conducting an experiment on myself to see how much I will save if I stop impulse-buying makeup and clothes :’) Just the bare neccessities will do gotta keep reminding myself!!!

Zan x